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Healthy You Archives |
Caring for Mind and Body
Dying is About LivingPlan ahead to make sure your wishes are followed.
Remembering Mary LouThe passing of a loved one is never easy. But Clair Boatman (shown here with his daughter, Cindy Krause) had the satisfaction of caring for his wife, Mary Lou, at home until the end. Lehigh Valley Hospice “gave me a sense of security,” he says. Stating Your Wishes
Remember, a written document is no guarantee. Make sure someone close to you knows your wishes. In August 2004, Mary Lou Boatman died peacefully at home. Clair was with her, just as he wanted. “She had stopped eating and she quietly faded away,” says her daughter, Cindy Krause of Lower Macungie Township. Most of us would agree this was a good passing. “The majority of Americans say they want to die at home, free of discomfort and in the company of loved ones,” says geriatrician Francis Salerno, M.D., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. We also want respect, and the ability to make our own decisions as long as possible. It doesn’t always happen that way. Three out of four people don’t die at home. Studies show that many are in pain and isolated, their wishes about life support ignored. “Just like anything else in life,” Salerno says, “a good death requires planning.” How to make it happenThe first step is to think early on about what you envision as a good death. “I find it helpful to state your ‘goals of care,’ ” says Salerno’s colleague, family physician Lou Lukas, M.D. “For example, ‘I want to live as long as I can even if it hurts,’ or ‘I want to be kept comfortable as nature takes its course.’ People’s goals change, especially as they grow older or become ill.”Once you’ve defined what you want, you need to communicate it. Writing a living will is a good idea, but having your family on board is what really matters. “Sit around the kitchen table and talk it over,” Salerno says. “If there’s disagreement, designate one family member, or your doctor, to advocate for you when the time comes.” The process of dyingIf your family looks aghast at the very topic of death, it’s not surprising. “Our culture has lost touch with the concept of dying as one of life’s great transitions,” Lukas says. “This is a time for tying up unfinished business and healing wounds.”The act of dying takes a lot of energy, Salerno says. “The person may appear to be sleeping, but is busy processing and resolving conflicts to be ready for the end.” As body functions slow down, the dying person stops eating and enters a natural state of euphoria, or inner happiness. Salerno describes this process to family members so they’ll understand what their loved one needs. “Pain medications are a good thing—they give comfort and can be used freely,” he says. “Force-feeding is not a good thing. It can actually prolong pain.” If you’re privileged to be present at the death of a loved one, he says, “view it as a great event—even greater than birth. Dying puts us in touch with our own spirituality. If you have any questions about the existence of a higher power, sit with a dying person and your doubts will be resolved.”
Want to Know More? “Five Wishes” is an easy-to-complete form that meets Pennsylvania’s requirements for Advance Directives. For a free copy, call 610-402-CARE. This page last updated 2/12/08 04:08 PM
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 May June 2005 Eating Healthy
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Just for Women
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Heart of Healthy You
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